My Pokeymans, would you like to see them?

It's sad that the name Igor Vovchanchyn will get you vacant stares by the majority of the mouth-breathing MMA public, at best, the average Affliction beanie-wearing troglodyte will know him as one of the guys getting KTFO in a Crocop highlight reel, a footnote from another era. Igor "Ice Cold" Vovchanchyn, despite his gooey 5'8" frame is a titan in MMA lore and one of the all-time great champions of the sport. Boasting an impressive 49-10-1 record with 26 KO/TKOs and 15 submissons, 10 of which came from strikes to go with 7 decisions, (the dude finished fights). In 63 bouts only the celebrated left high kick of Crocop recorded the sole KO defeat on Igor's record. There are alot of journeymen now like Travis Fulton and Jeremy Horn who rack up tons of wins against cans but many of their wins have come on this side of the millennium. Today, MMA is regulated by athletic commissions, gloves are mandatory, time limits are imposed, there are up to 10 weight classes, dozens of techniques have been banned, same-day tournaments are a rarity, all these conditions and rules are designed to sanitize the sport and make it safe for the fighters and more importantly to the promotions, legal and safer-looking to to the public.

Igor on the other hand, amassed many of his wins under minimal, Vale Tudo rules, fighting bare-knuckled in 8 or 16-man tournaments, fighting three or four men on the same day. He has won an insane six open-weight tournaments, three of them in the same year(!). To put that into perspective fighters today often have surgery after a single fight or take up to 6 months off between bouts to heal or train, typically a productive fighter fights 3 times a year. Igor essentially put in a year's worth of fights into a single day (and dominated). Igor also looked to finish fights by knockout, he never tied up or rode his opponent to cruise into a victory, he always pushed the pace and tried to cut down his opponents with a constant barrage of Russian-style looping hooks. The 90's were dominated by grapplers, amateur wrestlers flooded the scene, MMA was seen as an easier path to make a living versus the ultra-competitve Olympic circuit, jujitsu fighters like Royce Graice were famously destroying stand-up stylists in the early UFC tournaments. Despite this, Vovchanchyn specialized in destroying wrestlers and BJJ fighters, using superior speed, advanced stand-up, and savage striking power in all phases, including off his back. He actually has a submission victory due to breaking a guy's nose with an elbow and headbutting him repeatedly... from his back, he tapped a guy with strikes from guard.

Due to his Russian heritage and similar punching technique, he has been called the proto-Fedor, but unlike Fedor he came into MMA boasting an impressive 61-2 kickboxing record making him more of a Crocop protoype. Fedor has a grappling base, carrying a Master of Sport in Sambo, before entering MMA.

Vovchanchyn's greatest wins were undoubtably his two wars with Mark Kerr, the then unbeatable, wrestling super-hulk. A Division I wrestling champ in 1992 at 190 lbs. (Randy Couture was the 1st runner-up), a 2-time openweight ADCC world champion, as well as a 2-time UFC heavyweight tournament winner, Kerr was considered the best fighter in the world at the turn of the century, definitely the best heavyweight. The massive size and athleticism, the roids, the wrestling pedigree, he was basically Brock Lesnar with submission credentials. Vovchanchyn was in the midst of a 32-fight win streak, making his collision with Kerr the first super-fight in MMA history, a rare 1 vs. 2 scenario. Despite giving up 7 inches in height and around 70 pounds to Kerr, Igor managed to stall and exhaust "The Smashing Machine" in his guard eventually escaping then catching Kerr in a front headlock and caving in his skull with brutal knees. The official decision was overturned as knees to a downed opponent were deemed illegal for some reason, however this was the first instance in 11 bouts where any opponent survived Kerr's famous ground-and-pound offense and top-control, Kerr admitted to being rattled by the reversal. Kerr and Vovchanchyn would rematch with the Ukranian getting the decision, these two losses would send Kerr's career spiraling out of control, he would never compete at a high level ever again.

Vovchanchyn would eventually be a finalist in Pride's 2000 Openweight Grand Prix losing to Mark Coleman, Coleman's opponent in the semi-finals, Kazayuki Fujita, forfeited the match, leaving him fresh going into his bout with Vovchanchyn. After 10 years, 63 bouts, multiple injuries, especially hand injuries, and an advanced ring age, Igor would retire after a 2005 decision loss to Kaz Nakamura.

Igor Vovchanchyn best years were unfortunately during the dark ages of MMA, by the time he entered Pride in 1998 he had already had 29 fights under his belt, this is a very long career for most fighters. With Pride peaking in popularity in the early 2000's and the UFC blowing up in 2004, most emerging MMA fans saw the tail-end of his career, most of his campaigns were fought well away from the bright canvas of the Japanese rings and his exploits might as well have happened on Mars to new American fans. Which is a shame, he was an enormously entertaining fighter, a total destroyer of plodding American wrestlers who want to lay on their opponent and ride out a win, he had a great motor to go along with an amazing beard and seldom took time off due to injury. His diminutive size coupled with his atomic fists created deligtful spectacles when facing super-heavies like 340, 6'8" Paul Varelanes or that black guy.

Where exactly does he place amongst the G.O.A.T.? He is probably the best fighter to never win a major title, I think on par with Crocop or Sakuraba but under any of the great champs like Liddell, Fedor, or Hughes. You can make an argument that he is the best heavyweight of all time behind Fedor and Nogueira, despite getting decapitated by Crocop.

Back from BOLIVIAN!

"Alex is great and a king", these immortal words are chiseled into the daiichi torii of the infamous Yasukuni shrine in Chiyoda, Tokyo, Japan commemorating Japanese war dead in WWII. Actually, that is false and makes no sense at all.

And now, I will update, after months of silence, only an epic bout of 9/11 proportions could rouse me from my crypt-world, pry me from my duck flocks and holy relics. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua vs. Lyoto "The Dragon" Machida are due to do ("Do dah do do!") genocide upon this earth, TONITE. Karate vs. Muay Thai. Shotokan's standard-bearer vs. The Prince of Pride. Ryu vs. Sagat. I'm just shivering with excitement and dragon-AIDS.

I'm in the minority when I say Machida won the first fight, I scored the first 3 rounds in his favor and Shogun the final two, maybe under Pride rules Shogun would have won, but in a 10-point must system I weighed Machida's right straights to the head more than Shogun's body and leg kicks. Bodywork is a very risky strategy, it only works if it ends in a late KO or knockdown which in this instance it didn't, seldom do you see fighters winning decisions if they are exchanging leg kicks for strikes to the head. I often feel very lonely among the expert community in this opinion and I really think the commentary shaped people's opinions on this, Rogan has a huge hard-on for leg kicks and bodywork. There are reams of papyrus scrutinizing the first fight so let me just shut the fuck up about it and talk about tonite.

Rematches are all about adjustments and I think the big question is whether or not Machida can make any, he's basically perfected his style, he hasn't really added anything to it in 3 or 4 years, and noone has been able to make sense of the the novelty of his signature Karate stance, a modified Zenkutsu dachi (front stance) and his mystifying tai sabaki (body management) until he ran into Shogun who he still edged by. Shogun cleared some of the fog by cutting off the cage (which it seems very few fighters do), forcing Machida into a direction by occupying space between the cage and the center of the octagon and landing leg or body kicks in that direction. The strategy was to destroy Machida's lateral movement and neutralize his tai sabaki then go to the head in the later rounds, a winning strategy if he could've completed the final phase.

This is a great strategic start for Shogun but look for him to go to the head earlier and attempt to KO or knockdown Machida with his war-winning Thai clinch. Machida is notoriously difficult to handle and has an arsenal of esoteric foot sweeps to counter obvious clinch attempts (ask Thiago Silva) so this path may prove difficult. Still more daunting is trying to stop Machida in the free-movement range, so who the hell knows? I think Shogun's best chance at winning is taking the fight to the ground, where Karatekas defer to other styles for help, Machida has a black belt under Nogeuira, I guess, so this isn't exactly a weakness either. Shogun is gonna go out on his shield though, he's afraid of the scorecards more than Machida's reverse punch so look for him to have a few all-out attacks that may end in his destruction.

Machida, I think, is a little less scared of the scorecards and will look to be a smidge more aggressive, I think he'll break his conservative mold a few times and try to score a sweep or knockdown, something dramatic looking to duplicate his success but in a more decisive manner. I don't think his strategy will change at all, he's a cerebral fighter and all that but his fights play out in a similar way. He'll take more risks but not many more, Shogun has a very tough jaw and has never been stopped by strikes and is seldom stunned.

My prediction: Machida by decision, he should replicate his offensive production and look to take less damage, he may add in a few strategic flurries and look to foot sweep Shogun to seal rounds. Shogun is too macho to take this to the ground and will look to stop Machida the Chute Boxe way: with leg kicks in the free-movement stage and knees from the Thai plum and stomps and soccer kicks to the face (whoops, KNEE NO FOUL!). Good luck with that.

So there you have it, as a pajama-jam wearing karateka myself, I'm rooting for Machida, but I love Shogun too and I wouldn't feel bad if the Prince of Pride got his crown.

Dana White: Obnoxious Masshole or MMA Kingmaker?

My opinion oscillates on all sorts of subjects, big government versus state's rights, woman's suffrage, the DH rule in baseball, global warming, many things. Haha, nah, I don't, I'm actually quite opinionated but I couldn't think of another way to open this blog. (For the record, I believe in kings, I don't think any gender should vote, the DH rule is for fat fucks, and global warming is for fags.)

One thing I do flip-flop on is whether or not I like or fucking despise Dana White, on some days I think of him as an absolute boon for the sport of MMA, an edgy, xtreme! sort of dude who hates golf, other days he comes off as a total Masshole douchebag with no credibility. Compared to commissioners of other sports (who I suspect are part of sport-loving undead cabal) Dana is a breath of fresh air (as opposed to dusty coffin musk you get with the other guys), he's a brash, in-your-face, sort of dude who represents a controversial sport effectively and fights in the trenches for the UFC on all media fronts. If there is a panel debating the pros and cons of MMA, Dana White and Joe Rogan really are the perfect champions for the sport, they are always well-prepared and blow out the contrarians in an argument.

On the other hand you get videos like the above and you realize he is a charlatan too, a used car salesman, he's full of shit and a liar, ESPECIALLY about fighters not under Zuffa's thumb. Dana took a massive dump on Kimbo Slice for the better part of two years, he said he sucked as a fighter, that lightweight BJ Penn and featherweight Urijah Faber would be kick the shit out of him, and that having a freak fighter on the UFC roster would be an embarrassment, something that would tarnish the reputation of the sport. (All true, btw, lol) But, then the ratings come in for TUF 10 and Dana turns into a prostitute and gives Kimbo a UFC contract no matter what transpires on the show.

I can't hate any promoter that puts on circus act fights, freaks are huge short-term attractions and are even a tradition in Japanese MMA, where you have all manner of actors, comedians, atheletes, puroresu guys, pure boxers or judokas, producing decent, fights in the case of Hidehiko Yoshida or somber troll-hunts in the case of Gianto Silva and Hong Man Choi. I think PrideFC showed that you could successfully strike a mix of legitimate competition between ranked athletes and circus tent slobberknockers between freaks. What I do hate is the inconsistency with Dana, he dismisses freak fighters but uses TUF 10 to jerk off Kimbo, he goes gaga for Fedor, tries to sign him, when that goes awry he slams him, says he overrated, that a guy with 5 fights and dragon-AIDS would destroy him.

Inexplicably, I still like Dana White, he's the ultimate shock trooper for a sport with thousands of powerful detractors, he really has a clear vision and total faith in the product. People scoff at his claims that the UFC will be bigger than the NFL in 10 years but I think it's already there internationally. The NFL poured years and millions of dollars trying to cultivate a market for American football in Europe with no traction whatsoever, yet many European venues are clamoring for UFC events, every event held there is a sell-out, and there are already respectable MMA promotions established in the UK and Holland, and an already MMA-savvy market in the 2nd strongest economy in the world: Japan. Every culture on earth has some form of martial art or traditional system of hand-to-hand combat, fighting is universal. Max Kellerman has an excellent analogy as to why fighting is your favorite sport: if you come to an intersection and at each corner you have a sport being played; stickball, street hoops, pick-up football, and a fist fight, EVERYONE, by nature, is going to ignore the first three activities and crowd around the fist fight and watch.

So, I hate Dana for being inconsistent but then I myself am inconsistent about how I feel about the guy, who's gonna notice that? Nobody. There's a lot to dislike about Dana, things I haven't even mentioned like shitty fighter pay (a utility infielder like Alfredo Amezega gets paid more than huge draws like Chuck Liddell or Randy Couture do.) but you have to get past all that bluster and that Uncle Fester countenance and recognize how he has taken a sport on the verge of obliteration in the US, cleaned it up, repackaged it, and made it a viable enterprise with global reach.

WELL DONE, ME!

Randy Couture: the Mark Coleman of MMA

Holy shit, is there anyone in the sport of fighting with no rules who is more overrated than Randy "The Natural" Couture? (Please don't answer.) Even comparing him to Mark Coleman isn't entirely fair to Coleman. He's had a solid run and has been thrust into many title fights but his career 17-10 record isn't legendary, it's notable, good, and at times brilliant, but overall he shouldn't be in the discussion with the likes of Royce, Sakuraba, Wanderlei, Liddell or Fedor.

His advanced age, humility, too-gummy smile, and wholesome "Captain America" image(despite dumping 3 wives in a 5-year span) make him the UFC's biggest draw behind heavyweight dragon-king and AIDS victim Brock Lesnar. This mass appeal jerks off his hype into mythical levels to the point where a duel with His Grace, Fedor Emelianenko was, at one point, deemed as the biggest superfight in the sport's history. Apparently, skipping over the heavyweight contendership and beating on clumsy ogre, Tim Sylvia for 5 rounds and annihilating gate-keeper Gabriel Gonzaga makes you a worthy foil for the sport's greatest champion and Holy Vicar.

Couture hasn't had a winning streak of more than 2 in 9 years, Fedor is riding a 26-fight winning streak, Wanderlei had an 18 fight winning streak winning and defending his Pride Middleweight title 4 times, Liddell knocked out 7 ranked fighters in a row (including Couture twice) during his 4-defence UFC Light-Heavyweight championship run, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Matt Hughes, Anderson Silva etc. all have all impressively chained together impressive winning streaks. It seems that all great fighters have this one glorious run that transforms the consciousness of the sport forever, a period of activity where you can't recount the history of the sport without mentioning them.

Can you tell the story of MMA without Couture, no, I can't say that. But it seems his legacy has less to do with winning fights, and more with getting KTFO by Chuck, "retiring" to fight Fedor but not really, and simply being above-average at an advanced age. He's won 5 UFC titles (2 at 205 lbs and 3 at 205+) but has only successfully defended those titles 3 times, all three at heavyweight. With exception to his first heavyweight title fight (which capped off a rare 4-fight streak, his first 4 fights actually) he has continually skipped the usual contendership and has been injected directly into fights for the title or immediate championship rematches. Booking championship bouts shouldn't be a beauty contest, but if you treat it that way you get champions who can't defend their throne, who simply cannot endure a steady stream of contenders, which is common in MMA but uncommon for the great ones.

You heard it here first folks (i.e. Ivan and Shandi), The Hammer, Mark Coleman, is gonna DECISION Randy Couture at UFC 109 and put a tidy seal on my argument. Who are the suckers buying events 108 and 109? Coleman/Couture as a main event? I actually heard that 110 sold out before 109. Ah, my stars and garters, this is the UFC laughing at you, like when ESPN has Elisabeth Hasselbeck on NFL live, they know you'll watch no matter what garbage they put out.

This has been another transmission from Omicron Persei 8, (I'm also in space now, why not?), papa has to go eat some ribs and watch iCarly.