UFC 121 Fallout: Lesnar hates cops, getting hit in the face

First watching MMA in a movie theater rocks, I've watched MMA cards in just about every configuration possible and watching fights on a movie screen in HD for 15 dollars is the best value in the land. To the fights...

Velasquez v. Lesnar

Holy shit, what an utter liquidation of Lesnar who continues to panic and do drunken cartwheels any time he gets hit. My pick of Cain was largely influenced by Lesnar's performance against Carwin, I think that fight was an exposé as much as it was an excellent comeback win, it can be both. Lesnar's physicality and rage frighten me every time I watch him, he basically hit Cain with a spear in the first few seconds of the fight. Cain calmly getting up had to have been horrifying for Lesnar, and getting taken down I'm sure was a mindfuck. Cain's pace and striking production just melted Lesnar's will to fight, his game planning with Daniel Cormier proved to be a perfect foil for Lesnar's size and wrestling. Cain looks like he drove an obsidian spear into the face-zone of Lesnar and ate his heart to honor Quetzalcoatl, the feathered-serpent. I wonder how Dana feels about the sport's biggest draw getting destroyed?


Poor Dana. Make an effort to look somewhat happy there. It looks like someone farted in his face.

James Shields vs. Martin Kampmann

Joe Rogan, "If you haven't seen James Shields fight before..."

Lucky you.

Seriously, watching that fight was like having someone shit in my heart. Kampmann, a total moron apparently, passed up a great opportunity to overwhelm a gassed Shields and try to outmaneuver him on the ground, awesome. Also, Rogan needed to take the cock out of his mouth for Shields, good grief. Was that the most milquetoast performance to ever garner a title shot? Have fun with GSP, James, he was NOT empress bai yar parfarmance.

Paulo Thiago vs. Diego Sanchez

Thiago should have thrown a flash grenade into the Octagon before fighting Sanchez. I won't comment much on the fight but I will say that Sanchez is a bonafide retarded fellow. He is fucking weird, dude.

Tito Ortiz vs. Matt Hamil

By the beard of Zeus, why do they talk to a deaf person after a fight, he cannot hear you because he is deaf and he also cannot manage the volume and treble of his voice because he is a deaf person. Noone can understand what he is saying. Also, why are people asking about whether or not Ortiz is relevant anymore? He hasn't been a relevant fighter in close to 9 years. The last ranked opponent he beat was, maybe, Vitor Belfort back in 2005.

My friend Ivan, caught some funny commentary from Goldberg, "He has been in there with the division's best: Machida, Vitor, Chuck, Couture, Cote he has fought them all." Goldberg sounds like AIDS.

Brenden Shaub vs. Napao

Napao sucks.

Also some guy named Court McGee won, he was a TUF winner. WTF happened to TUF? They don't push their winners like they use to.

All said, an average event, with an amazing, electrifying main bout, the crowd in the movie theater was really rocking. Apparently, we are once again, entering yet another age in the heavyweight division after the greatest heavyweight tilt ever, again.

Also, Taker vs. Lesnar in a WWE/UFC co-promoted event?!?!

Whipped Cream Pouring Like Water Falls!

I just want to cram this in before the MMA universe goes coo coo for cocoa puffs and race riots over the results of Brock/Cain. First, Bellator is awesome, please make an effort to watch it if you like MMA, some of last years most amazing finishes were produced in the tournaments in Yahir Reyes' spinning backfist KO of Estevan Payan and Toby Imada's standing inverted triangle.

This is a clip of former Olympic judoka, Rick Hawn, hitting a perfectly-timed ippon seonagi on a black guy leading to a TKO finish. Ippon seonagi along with harai goshi, and uchi mata seem to be the most successful and transferable throws in MMA with non-judo players starting to add these to their repertoire.

The black dude fails in attempting to climb the back of Hawn from the rear standing position, Hawn uses this as his kuzushi (off-balancing) and deftly throws his opponent with ease. The key to the throw was Hawn's immediate recognition of the negro's kuzushi and placement of the left arm, additionally his excellent form and balance let Hawn remain standing over his opponent ready to drop bombs upon his dark and mysterious brow. Great, impactul throws stem from doing them immediately when kuzushi is achieved, like in this massive harai goshi performed by Judo-in-MMA standard-bearer, Karo Parisiyan on Diego Sanchez. As soon as Karo gets that right overhook he immediately begins his throw, giving Sanchez no time to gain his balance and counter the throw, in fact the throw is timed too well and is too forceful resulting in Karo being disorientated on the ground.

I have no other thoughts.

Brocktober Spooktacular (For Great Justice!)

I have awoken! As a means to stave off the pressures and anxiety of my raging borderline (bordelon!?) personality disorder I have returned to the blog-o-sphere on the eve of yet another mega-fight. Yes! A bout between a 5-1 champ and a 8-0 challenger constitutes a mega-fight now...

Sorry, a negro was found sleeping in my utility room.

Where was I? Ah yes, I returned the money back to the synagogue and THAT'S why they call me Honest Alex! The End. FUCK! The Chinese grad student who I was dictating this to didn't keep me on task. Anyhoodles, Cain vs. Brock, (you can find out their last names somewhere else) ah, what do I think about this? I don't know. That's my pick, I don't know. The bookies have Brock around the -125 and Cain around +115 depending on where you wager, so they don't really know either. You look at historical record trends, quality opponents, and general knowledge of a fighter's physical attributes, skills, and fighting base. Gym quality i.e. length and quality of the training camp, level of instruction, specificity of instruction among other factors play a critical role as well, however, secrecy surrounding camps make this basically impossible to gauge until the bell rings. Most UFC build-up shows really only reveal snippets of live sparring and focus mainly on cardio, power-lifting etc. things that everyone does. Brock, I believe, devours virgins before fights, a tainted sacrifice, I suspect, is what gave him HIV. ALERT: BROCK LESNAR HAS DRAGON-AIDS. Also, accomplishments, accolades, ranks and whatnot in other combat sports also inform the savvy speculator about relevant skills, work ethic, body management and the overall preparedness of a combat athlete. Olympic-caliber wrestlers have shown the best adaptation to MMA, followed by BJJ/submission wrestling world champs, Muay Thai-rules world champs, Olympic-caliber Judokas, Masters of Sport in Sambo, catch wrestlers/luta livre stylists, professional boxers, and Karate experts, in that order.

Lesnar is a unique and mysterious colossus possessing strength beyond the scales, blessed with freakish athletic ability which he pairs with a distinguished division I wrestling pedigree, he was Olympyics-bound before he chose professional wrestling. And it shows in his signature power double-leg and advanced top control; his freaky one-armed full nelson from half-guard and gutwrench he utilized to destroy Frank Mir should make the HW division doo doo they pants. He showed an amazing chin and durability in his last fight with Carwin. He also showed very sluggish stand-up, tentativeness, and an unusual reaction to getting hit, he looked like a bear running around with a tranquilizer dart in it's ass, just total chaos. It was a remarkable win but it's textured by getting dominated for an entire round and a 2nd round Carwin meltdown. His cardio, submission defense/offense, and bottom game are mysterious too, just not a lot of evidence here to make an accurate assessment.

Cain has no such cardio issues, he has been tested on Sports Science as having the conditioning of an elite triathlete. The former Arizona State All-American wrestler possesses mobility, smooth striking acumen, combined with a polished all-round offense that can finish fights anywhere. Few heavyweights push the action like Cain and he is an oddity being a heavyweight pressure fighter, his opponents usually wilt under his savage pace. Also he is called Brown Pride but is clearly a white Hispanic, he has pink nipples like me, which is the rule, I suppose for being white.

How is this fight going to play out? Is Brock gonna hit his signature power double and pound Cain into his first loss becoming the UFC's most successful heavyweight champion with 3 title defenses? Or does Cain have the firepower to wear down Brock and push his superior striking advantage?

I'm picking that Mexican guy, I think his wrestling is good enough to stunt Brock's offense and he is just going to maul him standing with some laser-guided combinations. He really doesn't have the one-punch power like Carwin but if you drop enough conventional gravity bombs on a city it will get destroyed the same as if you dropped a single megaton nuke. I always liked smaller, faster fighters versus the lumbering dinosaurs of the division. Historically, the best heavyweights, like Fedor, Nogueira, and Crocop have competed at 230-240, the idea we are entering this new era of gigantic heavyweights dominating the scene is both new and largely untested.

Cain Velasquez, Round 2 TKO.

It's time to play tennis with my Chinese landlord.