Japanese Toilet Expierience

Unfortunately, I couldn't find the triumphant "B.J. Penn is... THE DOUCHEBAG" video to cap off my pick 'ems for this card so enjoy this giant, yodeling, Japanese bathroom-face. The vid was taken down due to copyright infringement which is unusual as you can find plenty of Zuffa-licensed clips in fan-made highlight reels all over Youtube. Here are my picks with some commentary.

Machida vs. Rampage

Machida coming off a brutal KO, the first loss of his career, will look to be even more elusive than usual. Rampage boasts some of the best striking defense in the sport at least to when it comes to defending his brain, his earmuff zone-blocking is hard to get through and behind that lies a pretty stiff beard. Look to Machida to go downstairs and chop down Rampage's base with leg and body kicks. This could be a mind-numbing defensive battle, with Machida leaping in and out and scoring while he coasts to a decision victory.

Penn vs. Hughes

I'm definitely going against the grain by picking Hughes in a 3rd round TKO stoppage. Penn, on paper, should never lose to Hughes, he is superior to him in a number of areas, but coming into a fight in shape is a critical part of winning in MMA. Penn is not a true welterweight, he didn't build himself properly to move up a weight class, and on top of that the talent gap between him and Hughes is not large enough to counter the superior strength, wrestling acumen, and game planning of Hughes. Penn should tool Hughes early on but run out of gas in the 3rd, get taken down and pounded into submission.

Sotiropoulos vs. Lauzon

Sotiropoulos is ascendant, he should secure a 2nd round submission over a game "J-Lau".

Davis vs. Boestch

Davis should smash, Boestch, 1st round KO.

Karo vs. Superman

Look for Karo to overcome his anxiety and crack addiction to decision Hallman in a tough fight.

Griffin vs. Lentz

Griffin fighting on the pre-lim is a monument to how fucking boring Nick Lentz is, holy shit, lol.

I don't know jack shit about the rest of the fighters.

My Pokeymans, would you like to see them?

It's sad that the name Igor Vovchanchyn will get you vacant stares by the majority of the mouth-breathing MMA public, at best, the average Affliction beanie-wearing troglodyte will know him as one of the guys getting KTFO in a Crocop highlight reel, a footnote from another era. Igor "Ice Cold" Vovchanchyn, despite his gooey 5'8" frame is a titan in MMA lore and one of the all-time great champions of the sport. Boasting an impressive 49-10-1 record with 26 KO/TKOs and 15 submissons, 10 of which came from strikes to go with 7 decisions, (the dude finished fights). In 63 bouts only the celebrated left high kick of Crocop recorded the sole KO defeat on Igor's record. There are alot of journeymen now like Travis Fulton and Jeremy Horn who rack up tons of wins against cans but many of their wins have come on this side of the millennium. Today, MMA is regulated by athletic commissions, gloves are mandatory, time limits are imposed, there are up to 10 weight classes, dozens of techniques have been banned, same-day tournaments are a rarity, all these conditions and rules are designed to sanitize the sport and make it safe for the fighters and more importantly to the promotions, legal and safer-looking to to the public.

Igor on the other hand, amassed many of his wins under minimal, Vale Tudo rules, fighting bare-knuckled in 8 or 16-man tournaments, fighting three or four men on the same day. He has won an insane six open-weight tournaments, three of them in the same year(!). To put that into perspective fighters today often have surgery after a single fight or take up to 6 months off between bouts to heal or train, typically a productive fighter fights 3 times a year. Igor essentially put in a year's worth of fights into a single day (and dominated). Igor also looked to finish fights by knockout, he never tied up or rode his opponent to cruise into a victory, he always pushed the pace and tried to cut down his opponents with a constant barrage of Russian-style looping hooks. The 90's were dominated by grapplers, amateur wrestlers flooded the scene, MMA was seen as an easier path to make a living versus the ultra-competitve Olympic circuit, jujitsu fighters like Royce Graice were famously destroying stand-up stylists in the early UFC tournaments. Despite this, Vovchanchyn specialized in destroying wrestlers and BJJ fighters, using superior speed, advanced stand-up, and savage striking power in all phases, including off his back. He actually has a submission victory due to breaking a guy's nose with an elbow and headbutting him repeatedly... from his back, he tapped a guy with strikes from guard.

Due to his Russian heritage and similar punching technique, he has been called the proto-Fedor, but unlike Fedor he came into MMA boasting an impressive 61-2 kickboxing record making him more of a Crocop protoype. Fedor has a grappling base, carrying a Master of Sport in Sambo, before entering MMA.

Vovchanchyn's greatest wins were undoubtably his two wars with Mark Kerr, the then unbeatable, wrestling super-hulk. A Division I wrestling champ in 1992 at 190 lbs. (Randy Couture was the 1st runner-up), a 2-time openweight ADCC world champion, as well as a 2-time UFC heavyweight tournament winner, Kerr was considered the best fighter in the world at the turn of the century, definitely the best heavyweight. The massive size and athleticism, the roids, the wrestling pedigree, he was basically Brock Lesnar with submission credentials. Vovchanchyn was in the midst of a 32-fight win streak, making his collision with Kerr the first super-fight in MMA history, a rare 1 vs. 2 scenario. Despite giving up 7 inches in height and around 70 pounds to Kerr, Igor managed to stall and exhaust "The Smashing Machine" in his guard eventually escaping then catching Kerr in a front headlock and caving in his skull with brutal knees. The official decision was overturned as knees to a downed opponent were deemed illegal for some reason, however this was the first instance in 11 bouts where any opponent survived Kerr's famous ground-and-pound offense and top-control, Kerr admitted to being rattled by the reversal. Kerr and Vovchanchyn would rematch with the Ukranian getting the decision, these two losses would send Kerr's career spiraling out of control, he would never compete at a high level ever again.

Vovchanchyn would eventually be a finalist in Pride's 2000 Openweight Grand Prix losing to Mark Coleman, Coleman's opponent in the semi-finals, Kazayuki Fujita, forfeited the match, leaving him fresh going into his bout with Vovchanchyn. After 10 years, 63 bouts, multiple injuries, especially hand injuries, and an advanced ring age, Igor would retire after a 2005 decision loss to Kaz Nakamura.

Igor Vovchanchyn best years were unfortunately during the dark ages of MMA, by the time he entered Pride in 1998 he had already had 29 fights under his belt, this is a very long career for most fighters. With Pride peaking in popularity in the early 2000's and the UFC blowing up in 2004, most emerging MMA fans saw the tail-end of his career, most of his campaigns were fought well away from the bright canvas of the Japanese rings and his exploits might as well have happened on Mars to new American fans. Which is a shame, he was an enormously entertaining fighter, a total destroyer of plodding American wrestlers who want to lay on their opponent and ride out a win, he had a great motor to go along with an amazing beard and seldom took time off due to injury. His diminutive size coupled with his atomic fists created deligtful spectacles when facing super-heavies like 340, 6'8" Paul Varelanes or that black guy.

Where exactly does he place amongst the G.O.A.T.? He is probably the best fighter to never win a major title, I think on par with Crocop or Sakuraba but under any of the great champs like Liddell, Fedor, or Hughes. You can make an argument that he is the best heavyweight of all time behind Fedor and Nogueira, despite getting decapitated by Crocop.