Brocktober Spooktacular (For Great Justice!)

I have awoken! As a means to stave off the pressures and anxiety of my raging borderline (bordelon!?) personality disorder I have returned to the blog-o-sphere on the eve of yet another mega-fight. Yes! A bout between a 5-1 champ and a 8-0 challenger constitutes a mega-fight now...

Sorry, a negro was found sleeping in my utility room.

Where was I? Ah yes, I returned the money back to the synagogue and THAT'S why they call me Honest Alex! The End. FUCK! The Chinese grad student who I was dictating this to didn't keep me on task. Anyhoodles, Cain vs. Brock, (you can find out their last names somewhere else) ah, what do I think about this? I don't know. That's my pick, I don't know. The bookies have Brock around the -125 and Cain around +115 depending on where you wager, so they don't really know either. You look at historical record trends, quality opponents, and general knowledge of a fighter's physical attributes, skills, and fighting base. Gym quality i.e. length and quality of the training camp, level of instruction, specificity of instruction among other factors play a critical role as well, however, secrecy surrounding camps make this basically impossible to gauge until the bell rings. Most UFC build-up shows really only reveal snippets of live sparring and focus mainly on cardio, power-lifting etc. things that everyone does. Brock, I believe, devours virgins before fights, a tainted sacrifice, I suspect, is what gave him HIV. ALERT: BROCK LESNAR HAS DRAGON-AIDS. Also, accomplishments, accolades, ranks and whatnot in other combat sports also inform the savvy speculator about relevant skills, work ethic, body management and the overall preparedness of a combat athlete. Olympic-caliber wrestlers have shown the best adaptation to MMA, followed by BJJ/submission wrestling world champs, Muay Thai-rules world champs, Olympic-caliber Judokas, Masters of Sport in Sambo, catch wrestlers/luta livre stylists, professional boxers, and Karate experts, in that order.

Lesnar is a unique and mysterious colossus possessing strength beyond the scales, blessed with freakish athletic ability which he pairs with a distinguished division I wrestling pedigree, he was Olympyics-bound before he chose professional wrestling. And it shows in his signature power double-leg and advanced top control; his freaky one-armed full nelson from half-guard and gutwrench he utilized to destroy Frank Mir should make the HW division doo doo they pants. He showed an amazing chin and durability in his last fight with Carwin. He also showed very sluggish stand-up, tentativeness, and an unusual reaction to getting hit, he looked like a bear running around with a tranquilizer dart in it's ass, just total chaos. It was a remarkable win but it's textured by getting dominated for an entire round and a 2nd round Carwin meltdown. His cardio, submission defense/offense, and bottom game are mysterious too, just not a lot of evidence here to make an accurate assessment.

Cain has no such cardio issues, he has been tested on Sports Science as having the conditioning of an elite triathlete. The former Arizona State All-American wrestler possesses mobility, smooth striking acumen, combined with a polished all-round offense that can finish fights anywhere. Few heavyweights push the action like Cain and he is an oddity being a heavyweight pressure fighter, his opponents usually wilt under his savage pace. Also he is called Brown Pride but is clearly a white Hispanic, he has pink nipples like me, which is the rule, I suppose for being white.

How is this fight going to play out? Is Brock gonna hit his signature power double and pound Cain into his first loss becoming the UFC's most successful heavyweight champion with 3 title defenses? Or does Cain have the firepower to wear down Brock and push his superior striking advantage?

I'm picking that Mexican guy, I think his wrestling is good enough to stunt Brock's offense and he is just going to maul him standing with some laser-guided combinations. He really doesn't have the one-punch power like Carwin but if you drop enough conventional gravity bombs on a city it will get destroyed the same as if you dropped a single megaton nuke. I always liked smaller, faster fighters versus the lumbering dinosaurs of the division. Historically, the best heavyweights, like Fedor, Nogueira, and Crocop have competed at 230-240, the idea we are entering this new era of gigantic heavyweights dominating the scene is both new and largely untested.

Cain Velasquez, Round 2 TKO.

It's time to play tennis with my Chinese landlord.