Masakazu Imanari Cranks That Soldier Boy.

Finally, video of DEEP Bantamweight Champion and submission sky-lord, Masakazu Imanari's bout with Justin Cruz has finally surfaced. The online community has been murmuring about the omoplata/facelock submission, calling it an 11th hour candidate for submission of the year.

Imanari pulls guard and immediately transitions from rubber guard and into an omoplata attempt which Cruz blocks with his base, stuck, Imanari contemplates a toe hold (I think) and then proceeds to blast Cruz's elbow joint with elbow strikes, posts up on his right hand and gets a hold of Cruz's face and attempts to rip Cruz's head off, he rides his hands down to more of a conventional neck crank to finish the submission.

The facelock attempt was reminiscent of the Crippler Crossface, made famous by notable mass-murderer and psychopath Chris Benoit.

It must be noted that post-fight, Imanari used the trophy he won as an extension of his penis and pointed it at the ring girl or perhaps at Nippon Top Team's androgynous starlet, Shinya Aoki.

Fedor Undefeated in MMA, War.

Shocking news out of South Ossetia, Georgia today as the Russian Ministry of Defence has released an official statement regarding photos circulating on the internet implicating the deployment of MMA champion and advanced super battledroid, Fedor Emelianenko, in the 2008 South Ossetia War.

According to the statement, Fedor Emelianenko was attached to the distinguished Russian 58th Army and spearheaded the retaking of the South Ossentian captial, Tskinval, from ethnic Georgian forces who had entered the city 2 days prior. Apparently, Fedor upon arrival preceeded to beat ten types of shit out Georgian ground forces, grew indifferent and abruptly left to holiday in Sharm al-Sheik Egpyt leaving mopping up actions to the 58th.




(A blast from Fedor's eye lasers leave this Georgian T-72 a burnt out husk.)




(Fedor proposes opening another front against the Georgians through Abkhazian territory.)

Fedor's deployment has sent shockwaves throughout EU and American military circles leaving Brussels and Washington scrambling for countermeasures against this radically advanced war-fighting asset and super-king.

Aleksander Emelianenko looks like he smells like cigarettes.

It's that guy I am, Alex, aka The iCarly of MMA, and it's time for me to blog about the sport's white Kimbo Slice, who the Japanese call "Tattoo Thunder God", a fighter who looks like he has hepatitis B and does: Aleksander Emelianenko.

I was gonna talk about how the Red Devil product and little brother of MMA's own King of Kings Fedor Emelianenko would fare against the UFC heavyweight circuit. Actually, I was never going to talk about that, instead I'm gonna talk about his tattoos and his rap song. First, holy shit, look at all those tattoos. Second, here is his rap song, I would never listen to that so I can't say anything about it aside from that it exists.

Mmmh, this is sort of short so I guess I'll write more about his tats which are all mostly prison-related, and by write I mean steal openly from Wikipedia:

• Right arm: Cathedral with five domes: symbolizes five years of imprisonment.
• Shoulders: Stars: Symbolize a "career criminal" or Vor V Zakone in Russian (English translation: thief in law). More recently he has covered up the Stars with Clouds.
• Left shoulder cobwebs: Aleksander did not explain its meaning other than saying that contrary to what has been suggested by some, it does not have anything to do with the Mafiya. In Russian prisons, tattoos using this symbol typically denote drug addiction or robbery.
• Chest: The Battle of Kulikuvo. (Papa's note: This was a 14th century battle between Russian princes and the Mongols, ending in Russian victory.)
  
• Left shoulder: Russian script.
• Left forearm: Half cat’s head, half skull: “Homo homini lupus est.” Translated: Man is a wolf to his fellow-man. (Papa's note: holy shit.)
  
• Back: Grim Reaper holding a baby.
• Back: Got Min Uns, meaning “God is with us” in German: for Aleksander, it’s a symbol of revival. This tattoo caused a controversy, since this slogan was written on belt buckles of German soldiers in the Third Reich. For many Russian prisoners the phrase means you are totally opposed to the soviet penal system. This phrase was very popular among prisoners during the 60's and 70's.
• Knees: Stars: symbolize that the owner will never be brought to his knees. These tattoos also stirred up controversy, after a picture published on his website revealed a swastika in the middle.
• Pirate tattoo: stands for article 167 of Russian Criminal Code: “armed robbery”.
• “Fortis fortuna adiuvat” Translated: Fortune Favors the Bold.
  
• A name on his lower abs ('Marina'). Later covered by a tribal tattoo.
• A spider web on scalp. (Papa's note: how cool is that?)

I said, I wasn't gonna talk about a potential UFC campaign for Aleks but I lied. In a sport where many fighters try hard to generate a hardened street thug aura, in Aleks you have an actual hardened street thug. A. Emelianenko is actually more marketable to American markets than his brother, (despite having a 3rd of his talent and half his fights): he's an ex-con giganto, (6'6", 255), covered in controversial tattoos, who has a brawler's heart and uses his Sambo to keep fights standing.


Unfortunately, Aleks, being a diseased former burglar, will probably never get a work visa to fight in America, even then he is a fighter who could easily headline a UFC event in Europe where he still actively competes in "fighting with no rules", what they call MMA in Russian, and boxing. He's a heavyweight free agent that gets very little play despite being far better (and let's face it cooler!) than serviceable Paul Buentello or cheating faggot, Gilbert Yvel who somehow manage to squirm their way into the UFC roster.

Despite talking mad shit about UFC brass he has expressed interest in fighting in the UFC before and also, apparently, in medieval battlefields, Aleks explains in an interview with Sherdog:

"I’m ready. It doesn’t matter with who or where. On foot or on horseback. With maces or poleaxes. To fight. To first blood or to death. It doesn’t matter, I’m ready to fight."

Alright, avid readers, Papa has to eat some double cheeseburgers, see you next time. Regards - A.

Sweet Zombie Jesus!

Fightmetric UFC 107 results

Sanchez is forever going to regret taking this fight, Penn hit him 150 times (out of 214 attempts), he hit him 137 times in the head, 59 of those were power shots. BJ is the hardest hitter in the division, he is the last lightweight you want hitting you in the dome 137 times. Many of those power punches were in succession too. Also out of 27 takedown attempts, Diego landed zero. I think around failed takedown #20 you gotta be more creative, try pulling guard, baseball slides, flying submissions, something aside from shooting in for a double, single, ankle pick, etc. Absolute masterclass by The Prodigy.

The Shahanshah is here... for you!

I'd like to welcome you to the world's first and greatest mixed martial arts blog, Omicron Persei 8, and possibly the most sensual, why not? Kakutogi, pankration, ultimate fighting, the sport goes by many names... actually that is probably all the names it is called... but be you Japanese, an ancient Greek zombie, or a stupid, uniformed guy who I hate, this is the place, or a place for you to read about how great and smart I am.

I'm Alejandro, world's sexiest MMA fan, and it's time for me say the same thing I just said in a cooler, more different way. Things need two introductions to be great, MMA confuses and frightens you but Papa has you (I like to refer to myself as papa) and will guide you through every counter right hook, standing switch, hip escape, powerbomb, and rape choke.

Before I lose interest in this blog and never post on it again let me just say that Brock Lesnar has AIDS.

With that out of the way let me say some crap about UFC 107. It was a solid event, the best event in months for the UFC which has been snake bitten for most of the year with injuries. Every favorite won and most of them in convincing fashion, it's going to be the last time you'll see BJ Penn as a -265 favorite, the line should have been closer to -350 or -400, there was no road map for Sanchez to win, in no area is he superior to Penn aside from being a raging mongloid. BJ, without question shortened the career of Diego Sanchez, he had to have landed 15 unanswered, megaton bombs to Diego's walnut-sized brain in the first minute of the fight. BJ Penn beat Diego Sanchez into another race, he looked like an Asian with Downs Syndrome at the official decision. Penn also, apparently, hit Diego in the face with a shovel, as he opened up a huge gash on the Nightmare's forehead. If you peered into the breach in Diego's head you could see old Bosco cartoons playing on loop.

(Edit: Ivan is right this blog needs a horrifying picture)




In sum, Penn toyed with Diego and took zero damage in 5 rounds, he socked him but good, just disintigrated his takedown attempts (which became uncreative and desperate as the fight went ont), and end up giving him brain damage and scar tissue that will cost Sanchez at least one more fight in his career. Penn if he so desires can rule the division for years, there is no one on the UFC roster that can usurp him. Any hope of dethroning Penn has to come from without, from an import from Dream or Sengoku or from the 145 ranks of the WEC. Jose Aldo vs. The Prodigy is a mega fight everyone would want to see, especially over Frankie Edgar or Gray Maynard.

There were other fights on the card but they weren't that interesting and I'm tired and hungry. Fare the well, readers. Merry Christmas!