Japanese Toilet Expierience

Unfortunately, I couldn't find the triumphant "B.J. Penn is... THE DOUCHEBAG" video to cap off my pick 'ems for this card so enjoy this giant, yodeling, Japanese bathroom-face. The vid was taken down due to copyright infringement which is unusual as you can find plenty of Zuffa-licensed clips in fan-made highlight reels all over Youtube. Here are my picks with some commentary.

Machida vs. Rampage

Machida coming off a brutal KO, the first loss of his career, will look to be even more elusive than usual. Rampage boasts some of the best striking defense in the sport at least to when it comes to defending his brain, his earmuff zone-blocking is hard to get through and behind that lies a pretty stiff beard. Look to Machida to go downstairs and chop down Rampage's base with leg and body kicks. This could be a mind-numbing defensive battle, with Machida leaping in and out and scoring while he coasts to a decision victory.

Penn vs. Hughes

I'm definitely going against the grain by picking Hughes in a 3rd round TKO stoppage. Penn, on paper, should never lose to Hughes, he is superior to him in a number of areas, but coming into a fight in shape is a critical part of winning in MMA. Penn is not a true welterweight, he didn't build himself properly to move up a weight class, and on top of that the talent gap between him and Hughes is not large enough to counter the superior strength, wrestling acumen, and game planning of Hughes. Penn should tool Hughes early on but run out of gas in the 3rd, get taken down and pounded into submission.

Sotiropoulos vs. Lauzon

Sotiropoulos is ascendant, he should secure a 2nd round submission over a game "J-Lau".

Davis vs. Boestch

Davis should smash, Boestch, 1st round KO.

Karo vs. Superman

Look for Karo to overcome his anxiety and crack addiction to decision Hallman in a tough fight.

Griffin vs. Lentz

Griffin fighting on the pre-lim is a monument to how fucking boring Nick Lentz is, holy shit, lol.

I don't know jack shit about the rest of the fighters.