Aleksander Emelianenko looks like he smells like cigarettes.

It's that guy I am, Alex, aka The iCarly of MMA, and it's time for me to blog about the sport's white Kimbo Slice, who the Japanese call "Tattoo Thunder God", a fighter who looks like he has hepatitis B and does: Aleksander Emelianenko.

I was gonna talk about how the Red Devil product and little brother of MMA's own King of Kings Fedor Emelianenko would fare against the UFC heavyweight circuit. Actually, I was never going to talk about that, instead I'm gonna talk about his tattoos and his rap song. First, holy shit, look at all those tattoos. Second, here is his rap song, I would never listen to that so I can't say anything about it aside from that it exists.

Mmmh, this is sort of short so I guess I'll write more about his tats which are all mostly prison-related, and by write I mean steal openly from Wikipedia:

• Right arm: Cathedral with five domes: symbolizes five years of imprisonment.
• Shoulders: Stars: Symbolize a "career criminal" or Vor V Zakone in Russian (English translation: thief in law). More recently he has covered up the Stars with Clouds.
• Left shoulder cobwebs: Aleksander did not explain its meaning other than saying that contrary to what has been suggested by some, it does not have anything to do with the Mafiya. In Russian prisons, tattoos using this symbol typically denote drug addiction or robbery.
• Chest: The Battle of Kulikuvo. (Papa's note: This was a 14th century battle between Russian princes and the Mongols, ending in Russian victory.)
  
• Left shoulder: Russian script.
• Left forearm: Half cat’s head, half skull: “Homo homini lupus est.” Translated: Man is a wolf to his fellow-man. (Papa's note: holy shit.)
  
• Back: Grim Reaper holding a baby.
• Back: Got Min Uns, meaning “God is with us” in German: for Aleksander, it’s a symbol of revival. This tattoo caused a controversy, since this slogan was written on belt buckles of German soldiers in the Third Reich. For many Russian prisoners the phrase means you are totally opposed to the soviet penal system. This phrase was very popular among prisoners during the 60's and 70's.
• Knees: Stars: symbolize that the owner will never be brought to his knees. These tattoos also stirred up controversy, after a picture published on his website revealed a swastika in the middle.
• Pirate tattoo: stands for article 167 of Russian Criminal Code: “armed robbery”.
• “Fortis fortuna adiuvat” Translated: Fortune Favors the Bold.
  
• A name on his lower abs ('Marina'). Later covered by a tribal tattoo.
• A spider web on scalp. (Papa's note: how cool is that?)

I said, I wasn't gonna talk about a potential UFC campaign for Aleks but I lied. In a sport where many fighters try hard to generate a hardened street thug aura, in Aleks you have an actual hardened street thug. A. Emelianenko is actually more marketable to American markets than his brother, (despite having a 3rd of his talent and half his fights): he's an ex-con giganto, (6'6", 255), covered in controversial tattoos, who has a brawler's heart and uses his Sambo to keep fights standing.


Unfortunately, Aleks, being a diseased former burglar, will probably never get a work visa to fight in America, even then he is a fighter who could easily headline a UFC event in Europe where he still actively competes in "fighting with no rules", what they call MMA in Russian, and boxing. He's a heavyweight free agent that gets very little play despite being far better (and let's face it cooler!) than serviceable Paul Buentello or cheating faggot, Gilbert Yvel who somehow manage to squirm their way into the UFC roster.

Despite talking mad shit about UFC brass he has expressed interest in fighting in the UFC before and also, apparently, in medieval battlefields, Aleks explains in an interview with Sherdog:

"I’m ready. It doesn’t matter with who or where. On foot or on horseback. With maces or poleaxes. To fight. To first blood or to death. It doesn’t matter, I’m ready to fight."

Alright, avid readers, Papa has to eat some double cheeseburgers, see you next time. Regards - A.